I was talking with a good friend over the weekend about playing squash. Or more to the point, the fact that he continually loses to a particular opponent.

My question was, ‘Don’t you get pissed off losing all the time and doesn’t the other bloke get bored?’

Most of us want to win, even if its only once in a while. We need it to keep our motivation going and prevent us getting frustrated or simply want to give up. And on the other hand, not being challenged sufficiently can lead to us becoming bored and lethargic.

What he said in response was really interesting.

He said he doesn’t play this particular guy to win in terms of points. He plays him to improve his game. He plays him to learn how to be a better player. He calibrates his improvement on the amount of points he achieves and the length of time the rally’s go on for in each session. If this is improving, he wins.

He also mentioned its not all one sided. My friends advantage over his squash partner is his fitness, so he plays to this strength and uses every shot possible to make his opponent run around in an attempt to tire him out. Which in itself has its sadistic rewards!

What he has simply done, is set himself up to win by creating his own rules for what winning means.

Every time he scores points, lasts longer in the rally’s and makes his friend knacker himself out, he wins. He has rigged the game with his own rules for winning which means he never loses.

Its is a brilliant concept and a fantastic feedback loop for your brain, focusing it on succeeding as opposed to failing.

This is something lots of sports coaches do now a days. They spend a small amount of time on what went wrong and much more on what went right. This way, we program our brains to look for success patterns. Its the 80/20 rule. 80 percent focusing on success and 20 percent on the problem areas.

His friend also keeps returning because, even if he is not improving his game as much as he would playing a more experienced player, his fitness is being improved never the less by training with a much fitter person.

 I like simple effective strategies and this is one of them. This is not about convincing yourself into something you don’t believe. A loser trying to kid himself so to speak.

This is about not making winning about comparisson. Comparisson to others does not have to define your success as an individual. This is about redefining what you make certain things mean and challenging them to your advantage. (see advantage theory blog)

How are you setting yourself up to lose at the moment and how can you turn it into a win?Are you comparing your results with someone elses, rather than comparing them to how far you have improved?