Many people struggle with their weight, and the obesity epidemic is more than apparent in this country. With a new diet coming out every week and with it bringing new hope of a quick fix miracle, it is no wonder that people are stuck in a vicious cycle where they never lose weight long term and usually end up gaining more weight back than before.

Not only is the physical side an issue, but also the psychological implications. Low self-esteem and low self-confidence are often the underlying cause of weight gain, and with each false promise of success, comes the reality of certain failure from an unsustainable solution to weight loss, health and happiness. This just creates a prison of self-loathing and hopelessness for the majority of those caught in this never ending cycle.

The reason I am writing this is to not only bring awareness to the ever growing amount of quick fix nonsense that is offered to those desperate for a solution to weight loss and to advise they stay well clear, but to acknowledge a friend and client of mine who has been, in my mind, a model client.

She, like many has suffered with her weight from a young age. As a result it has effected many areas of her life both physically and mentally, like is does for so many people who desperately want to lose weight but a sucked into the fantasy of the media or what others have told them from childhood.

I originally offered to work with my friend with a system I had heard about, that was, from my point of view, the best I had heard of. Also, originally being trained in Hypnotherapy and NLP I believed in a quick turn around and I thought we would have her issue sorted in a few sessions and like the stories in the book, she would be thin in no time.

This was not the case. Despite going through the process there still seemed to be something blocking the way.

It was some time after this that I made the offer for us to work together for as long as it took for free. I wanted to get to the bottom of this and to get her back on track and succeeding in getting to the weight she wanted and staying there.

I still believe in quick turnarounds and in many cases I have helped people to rid themselves of issues that have been with them for years, in as little as a one hour session.

However, this time it was not the case and I wanted to experiment with all the stuff I have learnt over the years and see what we could do. My only requirement was that my client went the distance and worked in a partnership with me. This was about team work, almost like an Athlete and Coach working together to get the medal. We both needed to want it as much as I did! I believe in many cases it has to become almost a symbiotic relationship at first to go the distance and get long lasting results.

She agreed and each week we went to work.

Every week we delved into cause, solutions, techniques, enquiry, more solutions, we shed some tears and had some laughs.

At times I lived up to my occasional name Coach Caustic, when I would not suffer the nonsense she gave me of why things were not working out and in return she taught me to see what we had achieved, however small, and not just to be driven by what we still had to discover and what in my mind we still had to fix!

The differences between someone who succeeds and someone who fails can be many things.

But one of the main ingredients I believe is the responsibility to ourselves. The ‘you fix me’ idea takes no responsibility for doing some work. It washes its hands of being resilient and of not giving in. When we look to be fixed by someone else without being willing to put in the hard work, we consistently look for cracks in the solutions we are given so we can slide back into familiarity without accusation or acknowledgment of our own part in its failure.

Part of what I believe, is that if we can only be made to believe in ourselves, we can do anything we are capable of as the best version of ourselves.

I do not subscribe to the idea we can be anything we want, but I do believe we can be ‘many things’ we want to be. All it often takes is for someone to believe in us, igniting that part of us that gives us permission to trust ourselves and allow us to go for it and still have the right to miss!

In our work together, we tried lots of different approaches and systems, but I believe, that although there may be lots of variables, it’s a lot about someone believing in us enough to stand by just to sometimes offer an ear, sometimes a solution and sometimes an ass kicking. It’s being willing to lose a friend to tell the truth we often need to hear that moves us forwards and gives us time to reflect and come to our own conclusions. It’s about showing someone you genuinely give a shit about them and that because of this fact they can find some way of believing in themselves again.

Of course there are things I do that help my clients move in in the direction they want other than simply being a cheerleader, and I insist clients keep me posted outside of sessions, because essentially it’s what they do after the session with this help that counts.

It’s the ones who do keep me informed, who ask questions and want to find solutions, which get long lasting results.

We are 6 months on now and the change in my friend is incredible. Not in the sense that I could show you the nonsense ‘before and after photos’ and the ‘happy ever after stories’ that happened weeks afterwards finding the cure, according to the latest diet, but instead the realistic approach to self-mastery that she is taking and the effect it is having on her.

I still offer my help, but she has taken the bull by the horns and taken my advice and found her own version of that information.

For example, she has changed gyms and in doing so put herself out there in uncomfortable surroundings with tough training regimes with other people telling her what to do which is what she insisted she did not want, but months of commitment has now started to earn her the respect of her instructors, her peers, and most importantly, herself. Now she loves it!

This has been months of work to get to this point. But this is about creating a new way of thinking and being. It’s not a quick fix that when things go wrong she spirals back to where she started.  And it never ends. It’s about continually developing into the person we want to be.

And for those who are ready to say ‘oh, it’s ok for her she has the luxury of a coach and trainers’ and alike, it’s not true.

She has no money for luxuries like a trainer and a coach, but what she has done is put herself out there and people have been willing to help. That’s how it works.

It may take months before anyone even says anything, but if you keep turning up, keep talking to people who are passionate about getting you to where you want to go, you will be surprised who will come out to help you. But you have to go first. No one is going to invest their time, if they can tell you won’t!

And just to give you a final example of what I am talking about, even though we have not worked together for several months now I sessions, she still sends me ‘field reports’ of her training and also what has changed in her life like getting a new job for example. Not because I asked for it, but because she cares about what she is achieving for herself and how I have been lucky enough to be part of that. And I love it! To see what can be achieved if we just believe. I can then give any coaching that is relevant if needs be from these reports which I am more than happy to do for her.

Forget the quick fixes but instead look for changes your perception towards why you want to make the changes you want and how it can be incorporated into a new way of life. Know what you want, then release the pressure of attaining it and instead enjoy the journey by learning and developing as you go.