Sometimes we allocate an amount of time to learning a new task and if we run over that allotted time we often believe we are incapable of ever attaining that skill.

The speed at which we learn is something, in comparison to someone else who appears to grasp a concept much quicker than us initially, is not an indication of our inability to ever learn that new skill.

Neither is it a definitive conclusion that because of our slow start will can not at some point,  not only master this new behaviour, but also become even more proficient in the future than those that appeared to grasp the basic principles at the offset.

Your time is your time. Your speed is your speed. Take your time and persevere.

Resilience is born inside of the struggle.

‘Disengage negative thoughts by simply moving.’

It can seem the hardest thing in the world to do something else, when what you had planned for, or would rather be doing, falls through.

Just recently on a visit to see my father in Pembrokeshire, towards the end of my stay, all I wanted to do was pitch up at the beach, go for a swim and just relax, but having come on the train and therefore the dependency on my father to chauffeur me around, the world becomes very small place and the choices of what to do seem even more limited. Especially when the chauffeur doesn’t really like doing what you do!

Before I know it, the best we can muster as a dreaded ‘happy medium’ which is rarely a joyful substitute, is a slow walk by the river.

And it clear very shortly in, that the dog – who is getting on a bit in years –  is less than happy with the substitution and decides the 100 metres we have walked is enough and feints a paw injury, which miraculously clears up once he’s back at home.

At this point I felt like smashing my head repeatedly against the wall to somehow realise the build-up, like cracking a coconut wide open to release the milk of madness!

It’s bloody frustrating to say the least and so hard to focus or think positively.

The mind-set we are in is not the eager participant at a workshop, or the person on stage at a hypnotic show.

It’s the mind of the person who wants to be defiant, who says this is bollocks! Who is screaming ‘I’m fucking losing my mind over here!’

Try saying ‘think positive’ to an angry adolescent and you know you’re in for an almighty ‘fuck off!!!!!’

And that’s the problem.

We are metaphorically two people at these times.

One is a logical adult, who knows you are in a shit place that you need to get out of as soon as possible.

However you are also in the company of a hair triggered, angry, negative teenager who will explode at the suggestion of anything other than what they actually want to do.

It’s like a hostage negotiation and it takes a lot of diplomacy and baby steps to prevent the bomb being detonated.

A taster of a suggestion is the way forwards, rather than sweeping statements, especially when what you have to offer,  both you and your teenager know it’s shit in comparison to what you really want to do –  but can’t.

All I knew is that I could lie down on the bed and die metaphorically, which would ruin the rest of the day for everyone in the vicinity, or I could just do something that got me moving, such as going for a walk, run or bike ride.

However for the record I have to admit when my father initially suggested the idea of taking the bike out, it felt like a bit of me died as I thought to myself ‘is this what it’s come to – a bike ride?!’

But it’s nearly always the case, that once you get moving, it’s not as bad as you thought.

Not in a ‘wow this is amazing’ way, but simply because anything has to be better than sitting there in the grip of frustration.

It’s just getting moving that takes the main haul.

And I’m not here to kid you, or me, that it’s better than what we originally wanted. Chances are, its not.

But it’s usually a lot better than the way we feel when we don’t get what we want.

It’s never easy I know, even when we know this.

I struggled today and will continue to do so.

But movement is the key along with bit size suggestions.

Move just quick enough to detach your mind from what you are currently pissed off about.

Cox yourself, for example, with the idea of a run round the block rather than a 10k run.

Once you get started, you may actually want to keep going for 10k, but when you are sat on your bed about to keel over into the sea of despair, the idea of 10k will be too much and probably push you over the ledge.

Just work on getting yourself off the ledge instead of over it at first, and go from there!

In the end it’s not that I had the best time if my life, but I did have a good time.

It might not be your idea of a good time, but I discovered some heavy tractor tyres in a field which are great for strength and conditioning work, allowing me to while away half an hour happily struggling to flip them back and forth – I’m easily amused.

I discovered a cycle track through the woods and in the rest intervals, I basked in the sun and wrote this post.

So in comparison to smashing my head into the floor and spending the rest of the afternoon hating the world, it was a pretty good alternative I think.

And it’s never easy, even when we know this.

I struggled today and will continue to do so.

But it’s useful to know that when we are stuck we can use our physiology to break us free from our stuck state.

And depending on the stickiness of that stuck state, will dictate what the type of movement we need to do.

For me, a walk or even a run would not have been quick enough, or engaging enough to disconnect my mind from my thoughts. I would have started down the road and come to a grinding halt because the negative thoughts would have sucked my fuel.

I needed to put the bike on the road and for two reasons.

One, for me cycling takes less effort than running and yet the distance covered for the amount of effort is far greater and more rewarding when I cycle. When we feel despondent we need some quick gratification to keep us moving.

Secondly where my mind was temporally focused on the skinny wheels not going down a drain cover or a car ploughing into the back of me as I navigated my way along the roads I forgot about my problems – generally, staying alive has a tendency to focus the mind and that’s what I needed.

Like I mentioned earlier this isn’t a post with a conclusion. It’s an observation.

One that even though I know works, will never the less be equally hard to get moving next time I’m in a whirl pool of emotion.

However by knowing this fact and the adage of just putting one foot in front of the other, we can attempt to get some momentum and a way out of our frustration towards some sort of mental liberation.

Just get moving.

On a recent trip to visit my father in Pembrokeshire I stopped at the only beach shop available in the area, for a bottle of water.

Coming from London I’m used to crazy prices for things and Pembrokeshire prices are usually a pleasant relief for my wallet.

However this was not the case this day as the lady behind the counter asked me for 1.30 for a small bottle of water!

‘What are these, London prices?!’ I exclaimed.

‘No Pembrokeshire prices’, was the stone faced response.

My father said he wouldn’t pay, and walked out. Being a  local makes these prices hard to swallow for the natives!

I felt the same, but in these situations we have to weigh up in this case – whether my ‘thirst is worth quenching’ rather than whether the ‘water is worth the money’ even when I know its probably been purchased for 20p.

Also, once it’s done and paid for and drunk, I’m not thirsty any more and I forget about it.

If I stay thirsty all day its a catalyst for anger, because I’m constantly reminded by being thirsty of the injustice of a monopolising beach shop which then effects my mood which makes me go round and round in circles, thirsty and angry, but changing nothing instead of enjoying a beautiful beach and a gorgeous day.

If I’m not willing to sort myself out first how can I expect to change anything else.

Principles are great, but not if you are the only one who ends up paying for them.

Just because I stay thirsty doesn’t change the shop’s ethics. There’s no where else to go to buy water, so people will keep going back whether I walk away or not.

The water may not have been worth the money but not being thirsty and having a peaceful satisfied walk on the beach was worth every penny.

If we want to change something then perhaps we need to look at what we want rather than what someone else is  getting from us, because these beach shops are everywhere in different guises so know what’s really important before you walk away empty handed.

In the Middle Ages, alchemists tried to find a way to change iron to gold.

Some men spent their entire lives in a fruitless search for the magic formula
that would change ordinary iron into beautiful, shining gold — gold that would
make them wealthier and more powerful than emperors and kings.

They never succeeded.

This sounds like my personal development journey at times, one where I hope to change me into someone else!

Maybe its better to turn iron into something that irons made for rather than trying to make it what it’s not and never will be.