JUST BE

Posted on October 20, 2015 by jonyoungmc

I was getting ready for bed on Sunday night, after just having had the honour of being best man at my friend’s wedding that weekend. With the day over and everything having gone perfectly, I could relax. I had nothing on my mind and nothing to worry about for a change.

Over the last week’s anticipation , preparation, and planning, it had been a fairly stressful time for me.

The days and nights running up to the wedding had found me being preoccupied with finalising my speech and making sure everything would go smoothly for the groom.

The night prior to the wedding day, had me lying awake in bed, going over and over my speech in my head in order to have it drummed in and ready for the big day.

Saturday arrived seeing both the ceremony and reception going like clockwork and the happy couple could not have wished for a better result, and neither could I. I didn’t forget, or lose the rings and my speech was well received and most importantly no one was offended! All was well.

Because I had nothing on my mind, I had an interesting insight – or at least I thought so!

I noticed that in this moment of having nothing to worry about, I had that sense I think we all get, of ‘thank goodness that is over’ and the unconscious sense that having survived that ordeal, we are somehow ‘home free’ for ever.

Now, I realise this is not a logical thought, and of course if we were asked – ‘do you believe nothing stressful will happen again?’ we would answer ‘of course not’, yet there was a moment for me where I felt this was the case.

Of course we know there will be more challenges – and lots of them. But here’s the thing. I knew it but didn’t process it that way.

How do I know this? Because I did, what I think we all do, I dismissed it.

I automatically went into a default and unconscious thought pattern of thinking ‘I’m free forever now’ which like most things in abundance, we rarely appreciate and usually squander. Time is one such thing.

The insight I got in that moment however was to the contrary. In that moment I suddenly thought that this was only a fleeting moment. That very soon something else would come up and this moment of calm serenity would soon be gone again.

This may sound negative and not insightful at all, but it served as totally the opposite.

It allowed me to almost compartmentalise this moment in time. To look at it as a brief moment to ‘just be’, to enjoy the space between ‘what had just been’ and what inevitably ‘would be’ and to enjoy it while it lasted. To be both conscious and aware of having the opportunity for a short holiday away from what the future would bring to once again engage my brain.

Whether it be anxiety about the future or worries about the past, our brains by their nature always seem to be in the past or the future and rarely in the present. We just do not have the capability to stay in the present for long.

We seem to bypass the present by running from the past straight into the future as we look for solutions to our current reality.

We are very rarely at rest, constantly mentally fatigued from all the ‘to-ing and fro-ing’ from past to present and back again.

It was at this awareness that I wanted to really take advantage of in this moment.

To really enjoy this fact that for a period of time I was free. I know all too well the constant barrage of thoughts that go round and round in my mind and the rare feeling of neurological peace!

It’s all too easy to become obsessed with keep pushing ourselves to both be and achieve more. And this is of course admirable. However in order to be a happier person, to be a more content person which is not something that comes naturally to me, or many of you I’m sure, taking time to ‘Just be’ is essential for our well being.

If any of you have ever studied art in school, you may have experienced an exercise called ‘drawing by negative space’. The idea is to draw the negative spaces only (the space between and around the objects you are focusing on). This exercise is to improve our concentration and to breakdown our preconceived notions of the objects we are drawing. We know a lot about objects themselves, however we most likely don’t know much about random spaces around the objects. Changing our preconception about the space between the objects will help you record more accurately what you are seeing in your drawing. Also by drawing the space around the objects, as a bi-product we create the objects themselves without actually drawing them.

Likewise if we change our preconceived ideas about events and what we call ‘reality’ but instead, take time to experience those moment’s in-between events, they just may give us an opportunity to realign ourselves in preparation for life’s next big, or small adventure.

Take time to ‘Just be’ – It’s free and yet invaluable.

I’M A LION! – NO YOUR NOT!

Posted on October 4, 2015 by jonyoungmc

I like this statement above by Gary Vanyerchuk.

I’ve never been a fan of the idea of ‘fake it till you make it’. Personally I don’t think we can lie to ourselves.

Metaphorically trying to shout over an internal dialogue of who we believe we are vs who we wish we were or should be, usual results in mental turmoil.

Plus most of us have a pretty good bullshit detector that senses when, who someone is telling us they would like us to think they are, compared to the person that’s saying the words – which is often a world apart.

Most of our energy is spent trying to convince the world of who we wish we were, that we ‘are’ happy, successful, or the real popular one everyone seems to be trying to convince each other of now a days is that they are ‘living my dream’

……maybe on face book, but film your day and I bet its not so dreamy in reality a lot of the time. Its called real life and your wide awake more than dreaming.

I doubt, unlike a lot of people, eagles tell each other ‘I’m an eagle’ or lions tell each other ‘I’m a lion’. Why not? Because they are. They eat, shit and sleep like lions so not need to state the bleeding obvious! Maybe a antelope masquerading as a lion to avoid getting eaten may announce its self as a lion.

Far better perhaps to become aware of our weaknesses, except them, look at what we would like instead of those short comings, and focus in on our ‘genuine’ strengths to develop in areas we would like to excel in.

Improbable not Impossible

Posted on August 23, 2015 by jonyoungmc

Sometimes we are invited to be the person we are capable of being because the needs or the challenges others put in front of us often align with who we are at an intrinsic level.

Sadly many of us will never experience who we are or what we are really capable of .

What often seems impossible circumstances becomes possible when they connect to our values and to those we love.

What often holds us back when making personal choices is often washed away when those we love need our help.

Hero’s are normal people doing extraordinary things because at those moments, who we are at the core, is liberated from the learnt surface fears and doubts that amalgamates into who we think we are that often causes mental paralysis and apathy.

What would this man be doing, or believed he could do with the limitations imposed on him from his medical condition had is son not asks fro his help?

Sometimes others see inside of us what we no longer can, because of all the debris we have collected over the years that covers that part.

Often others are like heat sensors in earthquake sites, who locate who we are and then, offer us a means of escape from who have become to who we really are.

BECOME AN ADAPTIVE ATHLETE

Posted on August 19, 2015 by jonyoungmc

I’ve been sent this video this evening which is very inspiring.

It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly resilient and adaptive human beings can be, especially in the face of traumatic and often devastating events.

The human spirit and desire to fight is evident in so many walks of life, so often accompanied by the passion, love and camaraderie of others to insure others success despite the odds.

Often out of awful circumstances people not only go on to liver normal lives, but they often go on to create extraordinary lives for themselves, often excelling anything they would have ever considered possible before the accident or traumatic event.

‘One thing about championship teams is that they’re resilient. No matter what is thrown at them, no matter how deep the hole, they find a way to bounce back and overcome adversity.’
Nick Saban

I like to look at things from different perspective and something that jump out for me is that I think in a sense we are all adaptive athletes.

These athletes stand as a metaphor for all of us, because they are not a minority in a world of able bodied human beings, but rather the majority of disabled human beings all of whom inherently possess incredible resources and resilience to succeed regardless of what is thrown at them.

The man in the wheelchair who drags the sledge is the women who can’t get out of bed because she is clinically depressed. The women PB-ing with one arm is the man who says ‘he can’t’ because he’s been brought up to think he is worthless. The man pressing with no legs is the person who fears rejection. The man with half a torso is the women who desperately wants to join in, but hates her body and instead stays in and eats to escape her emotional pain. The man dragging himself along the floor is the young girl who thinks life is not worth living and contemplates taking the pills to silence the pain forever.

These great people are physical representations of all of us and what can be achieved. That there is always a way, regardless of what has happened to us.

Not only this they represent another part of us. The part that stands for something, that refuses to give up in the face of adversity. The part that has great resilience that throughout history has withstood incredible hardship and atrocities.

‘There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.’
Malcolm X

The video also stands for something else we have in common as human being.

The sense of community and camaraderie. How through hardships and adversity, by having a strong network of people, or indeed just one person believing and telling us, ‘you can go a little faster, you can be a little stronger, you can survive this and come out of it a greater human being than you went in’, can generate a power of human potential that is hard to stop.

Ignition of the human spirit is emotional, psychological and physical rocket fuel.

‘The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.’
Ulysses S. Grant

Do not look at these people as different from you, but the same.

Use their symbolism to inspire you to tackle your own disabilities, whether they be Physical, emotional or psychological.

But just as importantly, if not more so, use their actions to make you search for your own inherent strengths and to use them to get some momentum to get up and make a declaration for something more than you think is currently possible, because these athletes are evidence for you to believe it can be possible.

Get around those who say it can be done. Not because it’s the right thing to say, but because they care about you. Those who don’t pull punches, but instead tell you it’s going to take work, some blood sweat and tears…..but that they have your back because they know you have theirs.

What’s currently holding you back that by seeing yourself as an adaptive athlete, could allow you to do something differently today that would make you stronger person come tomorrow?

START WITH WHAT’S RIGHT WITH YOU.

Posted on August 15, 2015 by jonyoungmc

‘Start with what’s right with you, and what’s wrong with you stops holding you back.’

Our predisposed mindset is to look at what’s wrong with us and focus on fixing that area,rather than what’s right with us and using that potential to create a future we want.

We have been trained from school to focus on the ‘F’ rather than the ‘A’. But when we live in the world of the F student trying to be an A student, as the saying goes, we just become more of who we believe we are.

This is something that I have recently become aware of in regards to focusing on my strengths rather than focusing on my ‘weaknesses’ and trying to fix them.

My thoughts at the moment around this area is that we will really struggle to achieve what we want by coming from a broken mind set.

I can be obsessive when I am researching something and it has dawned on me from the current work I am doing that my nature will never let up on finding a ‘cure’ for these weaknesses – that i’m starting to think doesn’t exist – or at least not in the way I’m searching for it.

If we attempt to fix what wrong from a broken mindset we will never get out of our mental quagmires.

However, if I use the same obsessiveness to focus on my strengths and to approach challenges – including where I want to improve, from a strengths persona, then everything starts to change.

Its a simple paradigm shift, one that goes from looking at what’s right, rather than ‘what’s wrong in order to become right!’

There simply isn’t enough time to fix what’s wrong before setting off to achieve what we want. We will die with what’s wrong never having achieved half of what we could have done.

Because at the start of the Journey into what’s wrong we just continue to venture into more and more towns and villages where there’s more’ evidence of what’s broken. It never ends!

We become our own ‘media reporters’ finding and reporting on the crap stuff which only serves to trick us into believing we are ‘shafted’. This generates a neurotic paralysis that prevents us ever moving forwards, despite the feeling we are in perpetual motion to nowhere!

If up until now you have been trying to move forwards by sitting for hours talking about what’s wrong with you and still nothings changing an idea maybe to go and discover your strengths instead and tackle everything form this stand point and see what changes for you.